Just like me

This kid. Oh, this kid. Christopher. Sometimes he makes you want to pinch his cheeks (an Indian sign of affection) and other times he makes you crazy! He is a leader among his brothers and sisters. As his housemother once said, "Everyone, including me, listens to Christopher." He has a mind like a steel trap, remembering the tiniest of details from long ago. He is smart and translates between English and Telugu often without being asked. He always knows what is going on with the other children and he has a heart for our smallest ones. And if you can't already tell by this photo, they love him.
 Christopher was born with hemiplegia causing arm/leg weakness and was abandoned at the government orphanage as a little boy. He has an anger, that stems from insecurities about being different, that simmers just beneath the surface. He is been kicked out of multiple schools for beating other students (he is currently schooled at home by a tutor). He has a habit of stealing things from others here at the home. Although he has never told me why he steals I strongly believe he does it because he fears that one day there may not be enough. Christopher has been with SCH for a long time, his needs have always been met and then some.
This week Christopher gave me an unprompted apology (which is a HUGE deal) for something he had done and in a flash God gave me a picture of my own heart.

Daughter stop working so hard at storing up things for yourself. Let me provide. 
But Father what if you don't? What if you forget or if there isn't enough? I'll keep a little just in case. Ok?
Daughter let go! Can't you see you are making a mess and causing so much pain.
But Daddy they hurt me. I am right to be angry. This is wrong.
Daughter I am The Great Provider, The Healer, The Almighty God. I have you in the palm of my hand and you cannot be touched. You are mine.

Christopher is battling himself. He knows that he is loved for who God created him to be. He knows he is completely provided for. Jesus is whispering at Christopher's heart for his total trust and submission. Just like He is whispering in mine. Only then will we have peace.
My children and I are on this Kingdom Journey together. May the Lord bless our steps.

~Pray for us as we continue to move our children to their new homes. Adjustment has been hard on kids and caregivers alike.
~Pray that we hire good Godly Indian staff that love our children well.
~Pray for the adoption process for our children as it is continually being stonewalled by the Indian government.
~Pray for me as I enter into month 5 I am starting to feel exhaustion. Pray for strength, grace and stamina.

A hug, a kiss, a wave, the end.

Cheena Do,
      Remember when you were sitting on my lap and I said it was time for me to go? You hopped off my lap, gave me a backhanded wave and walked away. I used to think this was you being an independent three year old boy. That is until a couple of days ago. I had to say a very hard and frustrating goodbye to someone I had come to count on. I was feeling sorry for myself when I thought of all the goodbyes I have had to say since coming to India. This is a transient place. Caregivers come and go, sometimes without notice. Volunteers stay long enough to form attachments and then they leave. It was then that I realized your whole life has been defined by goodbyes.
     You were too young to remember your parents when they said goodbye. I am not really sure you even know what parents are. The number of ahyas and nurses you have had caring for you in your short life is probably more then we could count. Maybe there have been a hundred of foreign volunteers that have come bearing sweets and treats who stay for a few days or maybe a year before waving goodbye forever.
     That is why you say goodbye the way you do. So flippantly. You, at the age of 3, have decided that goodbyes are always permant. Every time you say goodbye to someone you are certain you are never going to see them again. I think that it is also why when someone comes it takes you so long to come over and say hello because you know you have to say goodbye. Some of your brothers and sisters have accepted this fact and decided that any attention is better then none. So when people arrive they immediately swarm them, clambering for hugs and kisses. They scream goodbyes clinging and crying when the person leaves. Others have formed close attachments with their ayahs.  But a few, like you, are different. In your heart of hearts you know that this life you have is not what it should be. Something is missing. No little boy should ever have to wonder if people he cares about are going to come back.
     This realization, somewhat to my surprise, deeply hurts me. It makes me pray all the more fervently for you and your siblings that God would lead wonderful Christian "forever families" to our door to take you home. Home to a place where you will run and greet people when they walk in the door, a place where you never have to say goodbye again. Until then I praise God you have a home here with us and that you have a wonderful home nurse, whom you call "ma", that loves her boys well.
      I pray that no matter how many goodbyes you have to say you will grow up to know you are a son and an heir to a Father who has been by your side since the day you were born. I also pray that despite the brokenness you have experienced you learn to love well. There are no orphans of God, sweet one.
Nenu Ninnu premistunnanu

P.S. This week it is I who will have to say goodbye to you as you and your ana go to the big city to visit the doctor. When you come back to us  healthier then when you left, I want the giant running hug I got today. Ok?



*Cheena do is the Telugu pet name for little boys*