The rest of the Q&A

How will you leave the children?
The only way I know how to. The same way I left everyone and everything in my American home; With lots of tears but with peace in my heart, in the hands of their heavenly Daddy.

Will you be going back/why don't you stay?
These are some of the hardest questions for me to answer and, I think, for people to hear. As of right now I don't have any plans to return to SCH. While I need to go home to rest physically, mentally, emotionally and recharge spiritually I don't have a concrete one reason why after that I am not returning.
Part of me feels like I am completing this journey in reverse. When I left America last May people were asking me, "What will you be doing in India?" and "Why are you giving up everything to go for an entire year?" I didn't have an answer to the first question then and I don't have an answer to the same question as I come back to America. In answer to the second question then, was that I am a disciple of Christ and that where he leads me I will follow. As Sarah akka says, "The cloud is moving." As a Christian the answer to the second question, I feel, answers all others and it is the one that brings me peace.
I love my kids, SCH, and India. I am leaving (I think...) with blessings on my journey forward. If I am lead back I will come running.

How many times have you gotten diarrhea?
India's actually call this "motions". And disclaimer, for people like my grandmother, it was an long time nurse tech and an RN (congrats Micah!!) asking this question. We nurses are very transparent about bodily functions.
I have actually only had one day of stomach "issues" in the past year. Glory be to God. Considering some of the food stalls I frequent...well...lets just say I didn't take my mama to them. (but sometimes the most questionable places have the best food.) Nothing beats Indian "street food".
I have, however, acquired every conceivable respiratory tract infection imaginable (minus pneumonia and Legionnaires disease but there is still time...). I thought that since I have worked in a nursing home and a hospital I would have built up all the immunities to this stuff. Children, it seems, bring a whole new ballgame. Oh, and skin infections. I've got those covered too (nothing new there though. Right mama?).

I am sure there are more questions that no body asked but they will have to wait...last blog from this side of the ocean. But there will be more from the other side ;-)

Hyderabad from our roof above the roof.

On Going Home

When I moved to Hyderabad in January I was a foster mama to 7 children, tomorrow morning our 16th (give or take) will come home. Nearly all of my kids have come to us with the fight of their lives ahead of them. I have started giving them a little spiel whispered in their ear on their first day with us, it goes something like this.
         Hi Baby! Welcome home! First and foremost we want you to know that you are a child of the KING.  Know that if you have any ounce of a will to fight to live we will do everything in our power to give you the quality of life you deserve. But if you simply need a place to rest in love until Daddy takes you home that's ok too. We will cuddle you and lavish you with kisses until such time comes.We want you to know that simply because you exist you are already so loved.
      On the day Anuragini (Ella) came to us we got a phone call an hour before she arrived that this baby had likely Trisomey 18 (Edwards Syndrome).We get these children from the government because they have been labled as kids that "are not going to make it". Every one of my kids has come with this label. You get a little bit proud after awhile thinking, ha! just you wait and see what we can do. But Anu was different. We can seek treatment from the best of the best for physical aliments but with genetic disorders you can be king of the world and no one can help you.  Before she came in the door I went to my room and immediately consecrated this chinna papa to God saying, Father, just help us to love her well. Weather it be for 1 day or for 100 years. Help us love her as your daughter.
           Well she lived through week one just beating one doctors expectations after another and we decided to start treating Anuragini as if she was going to live a long life. We took her specialists who discovered that she didn't have Edwards Syndrome (although no one could tell us what she had, Anu preferred to remain mysterious). To top it all off she gained weight from 1.3 kg to 1.5kg (ounces matter in Ella's word). She wasn't here at SCH to rest but to fight I was certain she was going to make it.
           But I had relinquished my claim on her. I had consecrated to her Daddy from day one, for His specific will and purpose in her life. And today His will was that Anuragini come Home to be with Him.
         Anuragini is  really the first of "my" children that I have had to give back to heaven. I was her mama here on earth. While I ache to have my little 'roo back in her pouch under my shirt safe and warm my heart is not heavy. I think it is because she never really was mine to keep and from day one I knew that. I am filled with a peace that one day I will see my little lady in heaven where I will lavish kisses on her soft downy head and marvel at her tiny tiny ears.

           I am nervous about coming back to America. More nervous then I ever was about coming to India. Mainly because of days like today. I have buried three children since moving to India. Far less then Sarah akka or my co-foster mother Cassie but more then  anyone I know back home. I don't know how to explain the death of a child to you and most of you don't know how to relate to someone who has gone through that. You can't unless you have been there. Go ahead and ask, it is now part of who I have become. I am just asking you to be patient with my responses, this re-entry process is going to be a learning experience for all of us. Thank you for journeying with my on the crazy good days and the horribly bad ones.

Anuragini is a Hindi name meaning Beloved.

(Both photos taken by Anu's very talented "aunt" Nikki)

 

I don't know how Anu died. But I do know that the last words she heard on this earth from someone who loved her was the wispers I leave with all my children in the hospital....

 

                       Nanu nenu praimistunanu (I love you)

                                  Yesu Yesu Yesu ne prema (Jesus, Jesus, Jesus loves you)