As most of you know I have arrived safe and sound at the launching point for the next year of my life. First a little on the basics. I live in a three bedroom apartment with three other American woman who are absolutely amazing. I currently have a room to myself (with A/C!) but that could change many times over the next year. I have a bathroom where I bucket shower (the most amazing thing when you have been out in 100+ degree heat all day) but which does contain a Western toilet :-) Every morning during the week I go to an SCH home (there are 3) and observe the nurses living there to help me learn about the children and what life is like at SCH. Then in the late morning I do office work for a couple of hours.In India the work week is Monday-Saturday so Sundays are our day of rest, literally. I buy fresh fruits, vegetables and excellent spicy meals from street vendors. For everything else I go to a grocery store. It seems like my life has not changed that much.
WRONG
When I arrived in Ongole a week ago I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water over my head and I was left gasping for air. It wasn't culture shock that over took me; it was the sudden and complete loss of control. My job description for the month of June was to "watch and learn". This past week I have rebelled. I came to India to DO. I want to change the world for a child here. I want to be a part of God's marvelous plan for this organization. That cannot happen if I sit and watch. Add to that the fact that I cannot make my needs and wants known because I know four words of Telugu. I feel useless and helpless. To make matters worse in my rebellion I have missed opportunities to meet needs and have failed to love well. It is only week one. *sigh*
But in His infinite grace and mercy Papa God whispers to my soul "Daughter I have so many lessons to teach you and I cannot do that while you are running the show. You cannot participate well in something you know nothing about. Watch, study, learn well and then I will use you to DO things in my Name." Week 1 out of 52 and I am absolutely certain of one thing, God is going go break me and change me. I will not return to America the same. I only pray that while He does it I maybe a witness for His kingdom in what ever way He chooses.
Pray that I stop rebelling and cherish this season of learning. Pray that I love the children, the staff and volunteers better. Pray that He makes His purpose for me known in His timing and pray that I will be patient. Pray for my health as I adjust to six day work weeks and the heat.
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" ~Ecclesiastes 3:1
Oh Anna, you know that God has plans for you, and that some prep is necessary before you can DO.
ReplyDeleteKnowing and living are not the same thing, of course, but God will give you all that you need. You are His follower and soon enough will be His hands & feet. You are constantly being lifted 2 God in prayer, 24 7 by people around the world...me too!